


Feeling Stupid, Feeling Small

by Groovyviewbie



Series: I Feel Like I Win When I Lose [2]
Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Post 6x02, Songfic, minor mentions of blood and injury, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26485591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Groovyviewbie/pseuds/Groovyviewbie
Summary: His bones ached from scrambling out of the bathroom window, the sting from the BB gun still present, preventing him from getting comfortable. He found himself sitting up, mind focusing on the reason he was in this mess. Why should he care about Jared? He was the one abandoning Pied Piper. The one abandoning Richard. The one shooting him in the ass with a goddamn pink shotgun.Or: Richard tries to sleep in his office after the events of 6x02, nightmares commence.
Relationships: Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks
Series: I Feel Like I Win When I Lose [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924216
Kudos: 10





	Feeling Stupid, Feeling Small

**Author's Note:**

> I edit myself so any mistakes are my own. Title taken from One of Us by Abba

Richard lay on the couch in his office. Awake and alone. Not that there was anything different about that, he was used to being alone. It was partially the reason why the bed in his apartment had only been slept in a handful of times. What was the use in going home to an empty apartment? Especially when with the loneliness came nightmares. If he was going to be awake half the night, he might as well make himself useful and do some work in his state of unrest. The most he’d slept since Jared handed in his notice was the moment on the doorstep of the Hacker Hostel. A brief few minutes before everything went to shit.

His bones ached from scrambling out of the bathroom window, the sting from the BB gun still present, preventing him from getting comfortable. He found himself sitting up, mind focusing on the reason he was in this mess. Jared fucking Dunn. Why should he care about Jared? He was the one abandoning Pied Piper. The one abandoning Richard and refusing to help him. The one shooting him in the ass with a goddamn pink shotgun. Well, a BB gun but the point still stood.

Darting eyes landed on his phone, lying dormant on his desk. Usually by now Jared would have checked in, would have sent one too many texts reminding him not to pound energy drinks at 2 am or to eat something to settle his restless stomach. As if on cue, Richard’s stomach rumbled. When was the last time he ate again? The thought of food made his stomach turn, knowing he’d be filling the void temporarily until he vomited once more when he had to tell Dinesh and Gilfoyle about his decision. Still, he padded over to his desk, opening his drawer to grab a granola bar. Yet another thing to remind Richard of all the little things Jared did without him noticing.

Before he went down another Jared rabbit hole, Richard grabbed his headphones and his phone. Returning to the couch, he lay back, pulling his blanket over his head so he was truly immersed. He put the headphones on, pulling up some top ten list Youtube video. He carefully nibbled at the granola bar thoughts quieter for a little while with the noise cancellation and comfort of a makeshift blanket fort. He felt like a kid again. Exactly like when his sister would tease him for being such a dork, so he’d curl up under his duvet until his mom bought cookies. Jesus was he really a grown man wishing his mother were here? He knew the answer was no, knew that no, he was a grown man wishing Jared were here to mother him.

But Richard had fucked up because of course he had. He always did. This wasn’t like last time. Last time all it had taken was a vaguely heartfelt apology and a punch in the face from Melcher. Not this time. He turned down a billion dollars and he still didn’t have so much as a thumbs up emoji or one of those stupid bitmoji things Jared loved so much. The ones with Jared’s smiling cartoon face that he would inevitably roll his eyes at because how could a grown man, one who functioned pretty normally in society by Silicon Valley standards, be such a child? Jared could be such a dork sometimes.

What really hurt was that he’d stuck by Gwart of all people! Which really shouldn’t have surprised Richard. Jared thrived looking after pathetic sacks of shit. It’s why he’d stuck by his side for so long after all. Mothering the feeble souls of Silicon Valley until they were transformed into asshole CEOs and no longer needed someone hovering all the time. Maybe Jared was right. Maybe Richard didn’t need him anymore. He’d said it before, he’d been one blood boy away from becoming what he truly despised. Maybe he’d crossed the line and didn’t even realise it. He was essentially Gavin Belson. No wonder Jared couldn’t stand him. The thought was enough to make Richard vomit into his trash can. 

The couch in his office was not as comfortable as it looked and it seemed like a suitable punishment. In fact no bed in his life ever truly lived up to his expectations. The bed in his apartment was lumpy and somehow too soft all at the same time and he'd always feared falling out of the loft bed in the incubator, something that had been great motivation to pull all nighters and power nap at his computer. It was as if he wasn’t destined to never enjoy sleep. Like sleep was his nemesis in the terrible movie that was his life. The only place he’d been comfortable in months was Jared’s bed. Ironic really when he'd been covered in lacerations, millions of little cuts exposed from falling through a window, an injury of his own stupidity.

He’d felt safe in Jared’s room, knowing that he was just outside the door if he needed him, the harsh sounds of German surprisingly comforting. Where it had once been a distraction from sleep, it had become a nice reminder that Jared was there for him when he needed him. Just like the bear he’d loved as a child. Comfy and familiar. Much like that bear, he’d lost his grip on Jared and now he was lost forever. When he was a kid, he’d cried for hours. Now as a grown man, he petulantly refused sleep and yelled the words ‘Buddy fucker’ as if that would bring him running back rather than push him further away.

Despite his discomfort, he knew he needed some sleep if he was going to keep this company afloat. He had staff to pay and deadlines to meet. Long gone were the days where he could just pound energy drinks and code for two days straight, running purely on adrenaline and caffeine. Now he needed to try and force his body to shut down, scrunching his eyes shut, praying for a dreamless sleep.

Of course, he couldn’t be that lucky. He found himself in Maximo’s house, feet dangling as he sat in the tree. It seemed higher somehow than it had in reality. He was ready to take the deal, to take the money and run, morals be damned. In the valley who truly cared about ethics anyway? Gavin Belson didn’t, Jack Barker hadn’t, Russ Hanneman certainly didn’t!

That’s when a flock of birds flew into the window, startling Richard from his train of thought. He fell from the tree, falling headfirst through the window to land in the fountain below, face first in the water and surrounded by the dead birds. His body was once again covered in lacerations, droplets of blood seeping into the water. A shadow soon loomed over him. He expected to see Maximo but instead was met with familiar blue eyes burning into him as he struggled to sit up. Jared’s usual smile wasn’t on his face. Instead, it twisted into something dark, almost hypnotic. Something Richard didn’t want to admit drew him in.

“Who’s the Buddy Fucker now bitch?” Jared said through gritted teeth, shoving the barrel of a shotgun against Richard’s heart.

The shot rang out and jolted Richard awake. He was covered in sweat and bleary eyed, fighting off the urge to scream. He could feel a presence in the room even if he couldn’t quite focus on what was happening around him yet. In his confusion, he was convinced that Jared was in the room with him, an apology already forming in his mind.

“Jared?” Richard rubbed his eyes as he spoke, feeling instantly embarrassed when he realised who had actually been looming over him.

“Fuck you Dick.” The monotone was like a sharp blade to his ears where he’d been expecting something softer and kinder. Gilfoyle’s lips curled ever so slightly upwards, imperceptible to anyone else, but Richard caught it. Not mad, barely disappointed but definitely amused that Jared leaving was taking its toll. Of course, the Satanist was finding joy in his misery. “I know you miss your friend without benefits, but I don’t need to be dragged into your sick wet dreams. Monica said you needed to talk to us.”

Richard sat himself up, hands scrubbing over his face to try and rub away the sweat, the remnants of the nightmare dissipating now as his waking nightmare continued. He had to tell his team he’d turned down a billion dollars. That an insane billionaire was coming after Pied Piper all because Jared had shot his sense of morality back into him through his butt. Richard felt energised, the adrenaline pumping through his veins now as the severity of the situation dawned on him. If this was anywhere close to how Jared had felt before, then a BB shot to the ass had been relatively tame. A small tip of the scales and he’d probably do something crazy too. Not shooting somebody, but maybe, just maybe he’d punch a wall. 


End file.
